3 biggest signs you’re ready to move for love
Ready to take the next step in your relationship and relocate to be with your significant other? Psychologist and relationship expert Briony Leo reveals the signs that you and your partner are (and aren’t) ready.
The finale of this year’s The Bachelor may have only just aired last week, but it looks like things are moving quickly for Locky Gilbert and winner Irena Srbinovska.
In an interview on The Project, the two revealed they are very much in love and are even planning to move in together.
“The plan is that I’m moving over to Perth,” Irena told the show’s hosts.
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While this is exciting news for the lovebirds, it poses the question: how do you know when you’re ready to ‘move for love’?
Relocating to a new state or country for a significant other is a huge commitment. While taking the leap can benefit the relationship in a myriad of ways, there will also be risks involved and things can turn sour without serious planning and deliberation.
We asked psychologist and relationship expert Briony Leo to detail the sings you and your partner are (and aren’t) ready to relocate for one another.
3 signs you’re ready to move for love
1. You’re finding it difficult to imagine your future without them
When you consider your future and your current partner is right in the middle of things, this might be a sign that moving for them might be a good idea. If you have planned a future together that you mentally and emotionally accept, then this is a good sign that a move is a good idea.
2. It feels equal
Moving is a big sacrifice, especially when you’re the ‘accompanying partner’ rather than the instigator. If you feel that your partner has considered this dilemma and made accommodations for this, it’s a good sign that equality is on their agenda. Some positive signs for this are: discussion on how to accommodate your needs, good planning, and a sense that your sacrifice and move is being acknowledged.
3. The future looks good
One major sign is that the move may actually be a step forward and represent opportunities for you. There have been many situations where partners have moved to a new country or city and found completely new opportunities and even careers. Even feeling a sense of stagnation or boredom in your current city might be a good sign that a move might not be a bad decision. It’s a great idea to make a ‘pros and cons’ list of moving to weigh up what you might be losing if you were to move versus the potential opportunities.
3 signs you’re not ready to move for love
For some relationships, it may be that a move is not a great option right now. Some signs might be:
1. You don’t feel like a priority
Unfortunately, some partners can be somewhat flippant in their dealings with our emotions and schedule. If you’re feeling like your move is something of an afterthought and is not acknowledged for its importance, it may be a sign that all is not well. If we do choose to move to a different country or city to be with our partner, we want to know that we will be supported and made to feel a part of their life – not just an afterthought.
2. Things are happening for you here
Most of our big life decisions are made with an internal ‘pros and cons’ list. If your life is really kicking off here – perhaps you have the perfect apartment, perfect job, amazing friendship group – it might be useful to weigh up what you stand to lose. It might be that you can find some footholds – for example, arranging a remote working arrangement with your perfect job, and subletting your perfect apartment – to make sure that you can at least try to keep the best of both worlds.
3. Your future does not include them
This is a bit brutal, but if your visions of the future don’t include the partner you’re moving for, it may be time to take stock. Moving states or countries is romantic and dramatic, but it can also be a stressful and expensive exercise. We sometimes need to consider the partner we are moving for and reflect on whether we want them as part of our lives in the longer term. One thing that relocation does is deepen the intensity and commitment levels in a relationship, so if you’re on the fence about someone or have some concerns about red flags, now is the time to have a long talk with your friends about the pros and cons of this kind of move.
Briony Leo is an Australian psychologist, currently based in New York City, with specialist training in EMDR, Neurofeedback, Schema Therapy and ACT therapy. You can find her here.