3 ways to get back together with your ex

So you’re thinking of getting back together with your ex? Here relationship expert and psychologist Briony Leo reveals how to do it correctly.

You delete their number, unfollow them on social media and remove any sentimental object of theirs you find lying around your house.

Months pass, your emotions settle and you’re basically a new person. But then – BOOM! You cross paths with that ex and all of a sudden you feel that special spark you haven’t been able to find with anyone else.

While most experts would tell you to re-enter a relationship with an ex with extreme caution – or even better, just avoid it altogether – there are of course success stories out there. If it’s done correctly.

Unsure of how to proceed? We asked relationship expert and psychologist Briony Leo for her best advice.

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3 ways to get back together with your ex

1. Accept responsibility

If you have reflected on the relationship and decided that you really want to get back together, the healthiest thing you can do is acknowledge your own role in the breakup.

Be as brutally honest with yourself and them about what actually unfolded, and what is going to be different in the future.

Accepting responsibility is more about talk; it is also about having a clear mandate to learn from your mistakes.

2. Meet them where they’re at

We often romanticise past relationships and can even project a lot onto our exes, when really, they are just flawed humans as well.

If you want to get back with your ex, you need to understand where they are right now – how they feel about you, where they are in wanting a relationship right now, and how you can accommodate this.

We can’t just assume they are ready to jump back into a serious relationship, regardless of how intense your feelings are.

3. Invest in yourself

We know that the type of people we want to be with – people who have things going on in their lives.

If you want to get back with your ex, it might be an idea to shift focus from them to you, and being someone who they might want to be with.

Whether this is taking control of your own finances, cultivating your own interests and hobbies or strengthening your circle of friends, often independence and self-confidence can be huge drawcards. It can also help us to feel satisfied and happy in our lives, whether we are in a relationship or not.

Briony Leo is an Australian psychologist, currently based in New York City, with specialist training in EMDR, neurofeedback, schema therapy and ACT therapy. You can find her online here.