A sex coach answers all your anal sex questions and there’s a LOT more to booty play than just penetration
Curious, but admittedly a little squeamish about backdoor play? Somatic sex coach and educator Georgia Grace busts some of the most common myths surrounding anal sex – as well as revealing what actually goes down and how to explore pleasure ~back there~.
Anal sex; it’s a pleasurable act to many – but an intimidating enigma (and/or the butt of jokes) to many others… So, if you’re finding yourself intimidated by booty play, you’re definitely not alone.
Sydney-based somatic sex coach and educator, Georgia Grace works with individuals, couples and groups to help them become more in touch with their bodies and sexuality; and is thus very aware of the simultaneous curiosity, fear and misconceptions many of us have about anal sex.
“When people think of anal sex, they think of hard and fast penetration. But there is so many different ways of experiencing anal pleasure,” she highlights.
“It could include anal breathing, it could be anal massage or anal touch. It could be rimming (which is bringing tongue to the anus)… There are so many different things you can do to stimulate, to pleasure, to activate the anus; and it is an extremely pleasurable part of the body that it can be orgasmic for men and woman.”
Grace shares with Healthy-ish podcast host Alison Izzo in a recent episode what anal sex actually involves, how to explore what you like (and don’t like), and how to initiate conversation about the taboo if you’re curious or downright ~peachy~ keen.
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Anal sex myth busting
When it comes to common, albeit damaging myths surrounding anal sex (asides from it being ‘exclusively about penetration’), Grace says that people tend to think that “it’s always going to involve some kind of mess – the bad kind of mess you’re going to have spend time cleaning up”.
“Everyone has heard those horror stories of that friend that shat on someone – and that’s just not the case. There’s so many things you can do to prep yourself – whether it is cleaning or douching, getting your finger in there and sort of cleaning out – making sure you go to the bathroom before…”
Grace stresses that the type of anal sex that you’re having is important in regards to comfort and cleanliness, and that it’s important to start very slowly and take your time.
She also highlights that there is a lot of shame and homophobia surrounding anal sex – and narrow-minded thinking along the lines of, “if you’re interested in anal sex, you must be gay”.
“We really need to rid ourselves from these ideas that that it is shameful (which is clearly is not). But also, just because you enjoy stimulating a part of your body, it says nothing about your sexuality, it just says that that is a part of your body that can experience a great amount of sensation and you want to explore that.”
A beginner’s guide to backdoor play
It can be scary exploring new areas of sex and pleasure. Grace recommends to practise on yourself first when trying anything new.
“Maybe you start in the shower and everyday you just bring just some kind of touch to your anus – just to get a sense of what it feels like, whether its numb or pleasurable, or feels great, or not so great… Then, as you’re in the shower, you can clean or do whatever you need to do to make yourself feel really comfortable.”
“Always use a lot of lube as your anus doesn’t naturally lubricate… explore different kinds of touch on yourself – maybe try some kind of vibration.
“Also, if you have a vagina, never move from vaginal penetration to anal penetration, because you need to be really careful of any of that bacteria getting into your vagina!” she adds.
Although it could feel daunting to broach the topic, Grace stresses that having a conversation is the best ways to start anything new when it comes to partnered sex.
“If you are wanting to explore it with someone else, you could say: ‘Hey, I listened to this great podcast – and I am curious. I heard it can be really pleasurable, really exciting and I want to explore this with you. How do you feel about it?’”
From here, Grace says you can set the tone and boundaries of anal exploration that you are both comfortable with (if you’re both willing to explore).
She recommends exploring in a way that “feels healthy and exciting for you – knowing that you can stop at any time and you can try different things.”