Lifestyle

Flow techniques could be the key to boosting your low libido


There’s an old stereotype that quality sex between couples in long-term relationships tends to dwindle. But a new study says quite the opposite.

If you’ve ever been to see live music, you’ll probably be familiar with witnessing a moment when plans go off the rails and band members just jam, they lose themselves in the moment, bouncing off each other and just ~feeling~ the music. This is called a ‘flow state’.

It happens a lot with creative endeavors, but it can happen in the bedroom too, according to a new study. Contrary to the notion that good sex only happens in the honeymoon stage of a relationship, sex actually gets better with time.

Dr. Emily Jamea is a sex and relationship therapist with more than 10 years of experience. Her new research suggests found that flow state is enjoyed by people during sex, and that “passionate, fulfilling sex is very much a possibility for older, married couples”.

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First coined by psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, flow is “a cognitive state where one is completely immersed in an activity,” according to Psychology Today.

“Csikszentmihalyi wrote the book titled Flow and defined it as: ‘A state in which people are so involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter’.”

In a more contemporary setting, you could argue that what flow is what Aldous Snow, Russell Brand’s character in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, is talking about when he says, “Find something eternal, perpetual. Lose yourself in f–k.”

Sounds satisfying, no? So how does one achieve this state of being? It’s almost meditative. According to Csikszentmihalyi, you can engage in flow by becoming immersed in the experience.

How to engage in flow:

Have clear goals at every step.

Immediate see the fruits of one’s actions.

A balance between challenges and skills.

No agony over failure.

A disappearance of self-consciousness and distractions.

A sense of timelessness or distorted time.

The process is what’s enjoyable, not the result.