Lifestyle

‘I’m worried about showing my body to my new partner’


From the naked truth to other vexing issues of a personal nature, clinical psychologist Jo Lamble answers questions from readers looking for expert advice on social dilemmas and relationship problems.

Question:

I have been dating a man for two months now, but we are yet to have sex. It’s not that I don’t want to. In fact, I feel very strongly attracted to him. But I haven’t slept with anyone in a long time – not since I was divorced two years ago.

I’m not as beautiful or as young as I was in my 20s and 30s, so I’m not comfortable showing him my body. I know it’s stupid, but I can’t help how I’m feeling. I worry I’ll drive him away.

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Jo’s answer:

A lot of readers will no doubt relate to how you’re feeling. Being naked in front of a new person for the first time can be daunting for most people.

The truth is, we are always our own harshest critics. The man you’re dating will not be looking for youth and perfection. He’ll be attracted to you for who you are.

Having some confidence in our bodies is attractive to a partner, so try not to cover up. Easier said than done, I know. But sometimes we have to fake it ’til we make it.

By all means, share the fact that you haven’t had sex for two years, but don’t make excuses for what I’m sure is a perfectly normal body. Just try to enjoy the new relationship and getting to know each other emotionally and physically.

You should take your time, but completely avoiding physical intimacy may stop the connection from developing and that would be a shame if you’re into this guy.

And if you let him go, the same issue will probably arise with the next one. So if you’re attracted to him and you want to have sex, go for it. You’ll no doubt feel better after the first (or second) time.

Got an issue for Jo to tackle? Send your question to [email protected]