is it a dealbreaker in relationships
From loving lockdown to other vexing issues of a personal nature, clinical psychologist Jo Lamble answers questions from readers looking for expert advice on social dilemmas and relationship problems.
They say opposites attract, but what are those non-negotiables you want to be able to see eye to eye with your partner on?
For one of our Body+Soul readers, it’s her love of high quality cuisine, something that she’s finding difficult to relate to her partner on, due to his veganism. Should she stay or should she go? Our resident psychologist Jo Lamble offers her best advice.
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I’ve gone out on a few dates with a guy I met online. He’s a great person but whenever we go out to restaurants, it’s always a bit of a drama because he’s vegan and there’s never much choice for vegan dishes in the places we go to.
We’ve had to adjust where we go out for dinner and I’m beginning to find it hard because I really love my food and it’s something we can’t share properly. I’m wondering if the relationship is worth it?
There’s always something, isn’t there?
That one thing about a person that we wish we could change, and then life would be easier. At first, we think we can put up with it, because everything else seems wonderful. But the longer we spend with them, the more – or less – tolerant we become.
In your case, it sounds as if you’re finding it harder and harder to cope with his veganism. Have you had a good talk about the issue? Does he realise that you’re struggling with it? This is a good opportunity to see how well you empathise with each another.
You sound as if you’re already doing a lot of adjusting and compromising. But compromising doesn’t always mean that you have to meet exactly half-way. He can’t be half vegan, for example. But he can try to understand that you love your food, and that you’re wanting to enjoy the diet you choose.
If you were to stay with this man, the issue would probably be a constant in your lives. No-one is perfect but because you’ve only had a few dates, unless you’re really into this guy, maybe it will be easier for both of you if you find partners with similar dietary choices.
Got an issue for Jo to tackle? Send your question to [email protected]