‘My boyfriend was a male escort, how do I get over it?’

From partners’ pasts to other vexing issues, clinical psychologist Jo Lamble answers questions from readers looking for expert advice on social dilemmas and relationship problems.


My boyfriend and I have been together for just over a year and are deeply in love. We have so much in common and we respect each other. He makes me laugh like no-one else and I truly believe he’s the guy I’m meant to be with forever.

However, there is one thing that’s bothering me – even though it was years ago, he was a male escort in his first year of uni, and I’m finding it difficult to wrap my head around. I worry that his past could come back to haunt us. Can I get over this?

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Jo’s answer:

It must have shocked you to learn that your boyfriend was once a male escort. I presume you’ve asked him why and he has tried to explain it. If you don’t fully understand his thoughts and feelings about his escort work, it will be harder for you to wrap your head around it.

“What ifs” can make anyone feel more anxious, and it sounds like that’s what you’re doing. The best way to conquer this way of thinking is to get into a habit of answering your own questions. For example: “What if we run into someone he ‘dated’ as an escort? Then I will ask him to tell me straight away.” Or: “What if someone tells me they know about his past? Then I will tell them that we have discussed it with each other.”

In other words, don’t leave your “what ifs” hanging – answer them.

You’ll feel more in control.