Lifestyle

The ‘am I ready to commit?’ checklist all daters should tick off


84 percent of Aussies say they’re ready for a committed relationship. But there are a few things you need to check off with yourself first, as Hinge’s director of relationship science Logan Ury explains.

It might sound (read: 100 percent is) cheesy, but the most important relationship you have is with yourself. That’s why it’s important to, even if mentally, have certain things checked off before entering into a committed relationship. Yes, even if you think you’re ready for one.

“Step one is self-reflection,” says Hinge’s director of relationship science, Logan Ury.

“Being relationship-ready means being willing to make room for someone and dedicating the necessary time and effort to the relationship.”

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The questions you need to ask yourself

“Before deciding whether you’re ready to commit to a relationship, ask yourself these questions: Do I know what I’m looking for? Do I have the time and energy to dedicate to a relationship? Have I ditched my bad habits and identified any patterns or behaviors that are holding me back? (e.g., am I too picky? Or not picky enough?); and ‘am I rushing to enter into a relationship before I’m ready?” says Ury.

“Asking yourself these questions will help make your dating experience more intentional.”

How do I know what I’m looking for?

As a single person, you probably have a ‘type’ defined, either aesthetically, emotionally, or both. But Ury says it’s time to ditch those narrow parameters.

“They’re confident they know what they want — they just need help finding that person,” she says.

“Go out with people who you don’t necessarily think you’ll click with. Date like a scientist and experiment. You may be surprised by what emerges.”

What does commitment really mean, anyway?

You need to be aware of how much time and energy a committed relationship takes, and you need to be emotionally ready to invest in someone long-term.

“Relationships go through natural ups and downs over time,” says Ury.

“The longer the relationship, the more likely it is that there will be periods—perhaps even several years—when relationship satisfaction dips. It’s important to recognise that often a low point isn’t a breaking (or breakup) point.”

What bad habits do I need to ditch?

Unrealistic expectation is a big thing here, whether it’s that of relationships, other people, or ourselves.

“Nothing in life will be perfect, and it’s important to keep this in mind when dating,” says Ury.

“Relationships are work, and you should date with an open mind instead of constantly worrying about the ‘perfect’ choice.”

Logan Ury is the director of relationship science at dating app Hinge, a dating coach, behaviourial scientist, and author of How Not To Die Alone.