Lifestyle

What men really want in bed


Think men just want hardcore sex in bed? Escort Samantha X knows exactly what men crave in the bedroom, and it’s quite the opposite.

The two things I get asked all the time about my job as a high-class escort (except how much money I make, which of course a lady never reveals, and yes I pay tax..) are: how can you be intimate with ‘ugly’ men, and what do men like in bed?

Firstly, what is ‘ugly’ to some is not ‘ugly’ to me. Some of the most wonderful men I am lucky enough to meet in my job are not conventionally good looking but inside they’re the most beautiful souls with the most beautiful hearts.

To be honest, the good looking ones can be arrogant; “You should be paying ME!” *cue the eyeroll*

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The second topic people are fascinated by is what men want in bed. And my answer always shocks them. It’s not necessarily sex.

When I say sex, I mean penetrative sex. Let’s be honest, that bit is all over in seconds (OK, minutes if you’re lucky). The number one thing men ask for – except a glass of water, no joke – is ‘how can I pleasure you?’

The urge to say ‘give me your credit card and close the door behind you,’ is overwhelming, as a joke of course if my clients are reading this; but what they really want is foreplay.

We are a time poor society. Time is our biggest commodity. We are rushing here, rushing there, and glued to our screens. For (some) married couples, sex is something they schedule in the diary (I know a couple that had sex every Tuesday at 9pm) – and those are the lucky ones.

I hear time and time again from men (one side of the story I know) that that shop has closed. Intimacy has died for whatever reason – kids, life, staying together for the money, separate lives, or not even sleeping in the same bed.

If they are fortunate enough to still grab a few moments of sex, it’s lights off, quick bonk and that’s ticked off the list. Foreplay is a thing of the past.

And when men ask about foreplay, they mean how to pleasure YOU – it’s not them being selfish. I know a lot of women who say they don’t like oral sex on them – maybe they feel self-conscious, think they look funny ‘down there’, are too shy or feel they have to please the man because his orgasm is what’s most important.

But you’re wrong.

The men I meet are starved of two things: emotional connection and no-rushed sex. Sometimes, that is all they want to do. They couldn’t care less about penetrative sex. They would be – and are – very happy with doing all the work.

One other thing men love is to kiss and cuddle. It’s a huge misconception that what happens in a hotel room is swinging by the chandelier kind of stuff.

It’s pretty vanilla to be honest. One client years ago even called me the next day to say he felt I was too “sexually aggressive”. Forget wearing latex, gimp masks and hair pulling; most clients either say no, or touch your hair like it’s a baby bird.

While there is something to be said for the quickies, sex is so much more than a two-minute bonk. Just as a lot of women love to pleasure, so do men. Believe it or not, it’s not just about them.

Samantha X is an author, escort, columnist and coach. Follow her on Instagram @samanthaxafterdark.