Lifestyle

what to do if you’re not interested in having sex


Psychologist Jo Lamble shares her top tips to rekindle your relationship in the bedroom.

Question:

My husband and I used to have an active sex life. Then our kids came along and now we hardly ever have sex.

It’s a combination of being tired from looking after the kids, being tired from work and not having any alone time. To be honest, I just don’t feel sexy. My husband tells me I am and is definitely interested in having sex, but I just feel drained.

Lately I’ve been trying to pretend I’m “up for it” but he wasn’t fooled and just got angry. Our relationship is suffering. What do I do?

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Jo’s Answer:

Having children can crush an active sex life for a period. Life with young children is wonderful, but it can also be exhausting, and having sex at the end of a long day can feel like one task too many.

The good news is that as the children get older, there are more and more opportunities to rekindle your sex life. Kids get busier with their friends and their activities. They become less dependent on us for their every need. It gets easier to go away for a night.

In the meantime, keep sex on the agenda. Talking about the fact that you hardly have sex is better than avoiding the subject. It’s always better to have the difficult conversations. Discuss ways to keep intimacy alive via hugs, kisses and intimate conversations.

Plan some date nights. Remind each other why you fell in love. Propose ways to spend more time together down the track when you have more time and opportunity.

Finally, remember that a sex drive is like any other drive – the more sex you have, the more sex you’ll feel like; the less sex you have, the less you’ll feel like.

Got an issue for Jo to tackle? Send your question to [email protected]